A typical Marigold email. This one is from last December.

Side Effects of Brussels Sprout Addiction

 

Not one sprout to be found in Spanish shops.  What is the matter with the Spanish?  They do not know how to celebrate Xmas.  All they ever eat is gambas and salad.  They do not know how to suffer on Christmas afternoon and evening from indulgence overload.

 

Totally irrational, but very worried and decided to try Spanish version Lidl. Left G at home polishing his balls.  Golf balls. Hardly anyone in the shop and not a single sprout to be had.  Got waylaid by choc digestives display and a man overtook me and was standing by the ginger beer in the next aisle.  As I went past him he did the most enormous noisy fart and scarpered.  A young couple came round the corner looking at ME and giggling.  I will now be on Internet: Farting Woman in Lidl Sparks Panic, grrh.  G said it wouldn't have happened in Waitrose.  I would recognise farty-pants in a line up if he is ever brought to justice.

 

Gave up and have had sprouts flown in from Harrods.

 

Got a fab recipe in Nigella’s cookbook. Boil sprouts for 2 days and serve in a mug with turkey dinner as it saves chewing and making gravy.  That woman is a saint.  Charles Saatchi will miss chewing her sprouts at Xmas.

 

We have cut photos of the Queen and the rest of the gang out of magazine, put them round the table and can pretend  we are part of their family at Xmas.

 

Finished having coffee with imaginary friends and just got back from Sunday boot sale; bought G some second hand pants, just need a boil!!!!

 

Couple in the paper from Bradford celebrating 90th anniversary.  He is 110 and she is 103.  Still have sex 3 times a day after a cup of Horlicks and a plate of chips. Hope for us then.

 

Spoke to an old friend at the car boot. It was very noisy, which made conversation difficult, but even so I thought she was a bit ‘off’ with me. I asked if she’d got any eye liner and she said ‘certainly not.’ Turns out she thought I’d asked if she had a dry vagina! I suggested she get a hearing aid.

 

I had a vile shock last night.  Was having a pee and spied a huge spider, I am not exaggerating it was as big as a hippo.  Anyway G put it on toilet paper and took it to the window, but it jumped off en route and has now vanished.  My heart thumped for ages and woke up thinking about it. Am sure the shock has given me asthma. Am terrified of even going into bathroom in case it emerges from the sewers and nests in my pubes.  Am walking around with fly killer and a brick.

 

Off to buy new electric toothbrush, as I cleaned G's and now it doesn't work.  Didn't know you can't boil them in bleach!!!!

 

Just going to read about poisonous spiders in Spain.